I needed to gain some weight. The 7 weeks of maintaining weight between the last two shows was tedious! I need a start and a finish...I need to see progression and improvements rather than just ticking over. And with the weight I gained on holiday...I now feel motivated. And I sufficiently ate copious amounts of food to come back and look forward to dieting, and a routine with no cravings.
With lots of good food and rest I feel less emotional too, hormones a little more balanced. I knew I would. Everyone feels shaken up the weeks after a show whatever the outcome, and I knew my thoughts and feelings would change once I got back to being me, and flushed out my system.
The British Grand Prix wasn’t as bad as I had first thought for me. I was only 1 point away from the 3rd place lady. 1 point away from a potential invite to the Liverpool Amateur Olympia and Arnold Classic...but now rather than pull me down, that thought now is motivation. No experiments, use what I have learn’t works, and hammer out the next few weeks and bloody nail it!
And yes, it is for all that I mentioned before...recognition for hard work, some adoration, to show off, fulfilling my 25 year ambitions and to be unique or unusual. All these reasons and more are what I do it for. It pushes my boundaries, proves my physical control of my body and mind and it motivates my off season training giving me something to work towards. I think it is an art; to sculpt your body, balance it out and work on symmetry, correcting your form and posture and the only time you get to see what you’ve been working on all year and all of my life...is when I am stripped of my fat and water, tanned, oiled, bikini donned and with the most revealing lights pointing straight at me...only then do I know if all that food prepping and training has paid off. That’s why I put my body through those tough weeks.
So I am going to continue with the great federation that is UKBFF...and continue to compete.
After all, competing is my only vice...